When I Grow Up

Today marked the official end to my semester and the end of this phase of my education. If my credit audit was accurate, I have an associate in the arts from ECTC. This afternoon, while discussing the semester with a friend, she asked if I planned on going to the graduation ceremony. I pretty much just considered the AA degree a formality to make the transition to a four year, contractually bound, college easier. After giving it a little more thought, I'm very proud of myself for coming this far. In 1997, I never could have imagined being here today. A new mother at 19 years old, living in a seasonal apartment and contemplating my next move. It wasn't awful though, I was employed and trying to be the best mom a naive teenager could.

     Since Ethan (my son) was a baby, I have been trying to obtain a degree. First, there was dental assisting school which was a one year course. Becoming a Registered Dental Assistant definitely helped support our little family, but I wanted more. Working in a small office with several other women was not as fun as I had hoped for. The biggest gripe was the money and it wasn't enough for the cost of living for the Jersey Shore area in 2000. I enrolled in community college and very slowly started chipping away...in retrospect, going full time would have been easier. Hind sight is always 20/20.

     Having a relationship that was on the rocks at all times was a thorn in my side (and probably his too). As teens we always know all the answers and can't be told otherwise. I don't regret a thing though. Life dealt me some different cards than other kids I knew. My family is one of a kind and when I sit and do a playback in my minds eye of my life's montage, I feel all warm, fuzzy and nostalgic. It's so strange how with all the meandering my path has done, that I wouldn't trade one second of it...mostly.

     Now, in my thirties, I have these goals and all of this catching up to do for the years I parented while all of my schoolmates kept going to school. Yet, I am parenting and learning, both in parenting and college. My son changes with every moon, leaving me scratching my head. My daughter is a little firecracker and thankfully, only five years old. I can't help but imagine what college at the "college age" would have been like for me. Would I have been able to maintain a high GPA, joined a sorority, played sports, failed, fallen in love, graduated, or made it out alive? I honestly can't even say I would have known what to even major in at that time because it wasn't until a month ago I really knew! Obtaining an education will be instrumental in the proper guidance of my children. If nothing more comes from it, they will at least have a mother who can get all of their t's crossed and i's dotted for their transition into and out of high school and college.